F.A.C.E

Sing.

I had my English AS exam today. Total load of bollocks. Literally, near the middle my essay just became a big blur of my own bullshit, which after a while, I started believing. I’m a pretty good bullshitter, but then again, it is just bullshit, which I’m thinking the examiner will pick up on… Other than that, my Mumma had a lovely mental breakdown, she’d been freaking out all month, practically making herself ill with worry over money, I mean it’s gotten to the point where we don’t have enough money to eat.. turns out, it’s not her fault, my dick head of an ex step father has just not paid in the money he supposedly giving us.. and failed to tell my Ma… so yeah, she had a super massive breakdown, bless her… I had to drive her to my nans.. we had a big family breakdown. But I realised how lucky I am to have such a beautiful family, I mean, my two older generations, my mum and nan, they’re beautiful, inside and out.. and they’re mine… I was just pretty proud of that.. 

In other news, random sexy busker man is being really keen again… bless him, he really needs to stop the Jack Russel puppy act, he’s got a girlfriend for fucks sake..  but you know.. apparently that isn’t something which effects his prowling.. AND I’m planning on washing my hair tonight. Isn’t life fun. 

The Joker

My mum finally told her ex how she felt today. She’d been with him for 12 years and he left last October, three days before my birthday. She hasn’t actually spoken her mind because of my little sister, she’s hidden her hurt for all that time so that my sister didn’t feel like she had to chose. But finally he pushed her to the extreme and she just told him what she felt, she was so strong though, I thought she was going to cry because of all the build-up.. but she didn’t she just, opened up. I was so damn proud of her. But anyway, I also found out tonight that when my Nan first met my Grandad, she didn’t even fancy him. Like, she didn’t even find him attractive.. I just couldn’t understand that.. why would you be with someone when you didn’t have that automatic spark? I mean, mum was with Luke for 12 years, and she NEVER found him attractive, which lets be honest, it’s an obvious thing, he’s fuuuuckkkiinnnggg gross. And an arse. But, you know.. 
I’ve realised that when I find the man I wan’t to spend the rest of my life with, I want to have such a passionate spark for him, not just when I first meet him, but also when I’ve known him for a year, or five or ten, or fifty. I want to wake up every morning and just feel nothing but love for the man lying next to me. Both my Mum and my Nan have had men destroy their lives, they’ve been left, cheated on and humiliated and fortunately for me, they’ve made mistakes that I’ve learnt from. I will never, NEVER let my life be dictated by a man. Because, well, they’re just not worth it. 

Logging into Facebook..

The title of this is actually massively ironic, because well, I’ve actually deleted my facebook. Well, okay I haven’t, I did, on Wednesday, but might have signed back on in a drunken haze. A drunken haze because I’ve been getting drunk with my Mum and Nan. But back to the point, because I’ve ‘deleted’ my facebook (I’m going to delete it again tomorrow..) I’ve decided I’m going to actually focus on my life in general. I’m going to use Tumblr, as it was, I suspect, originally created, as a blog. I’m not just going to post pretty pictures of pretty places that other people took. I’m going to write about my day, or week, or really whenever anything is interesting. And it’s my very few, but darling followers who are going to be subjected to the boring ramblings of a teenage white chick. Cool? Right. Well.. I’ll start tomorrow.. or later.. or whenever.